How to teach your dog to pray at the mosque

How to teach your dog to pray at the mosque. First, his name must be Allah, or Mohammed. He must learn that when he hears this name you are talking to HIM as his IMAM.

Second, a word about Dog food. This normally should be a steady diet of pork and canned dog food. This will keep his bowels regular during training. Later, a change of the canned dog food will loosen his bowels. It is our sacred duty to learn just exactly how long it will be before he is ready to shit (Pray) at the appointed place.

Third, Commands, he should be trained on paper first. Start with newspaper till he is predictable, then move to printed out pages of the koran from quran.com. The object is to be able to put down a koran page, and tell him “Pray, Mohammed, Pray, and get him to do his duty (Pray..) reliably. Then learn to fold the koran page into a good paper airplane. When you can put the airplane at the mosque door, and he will go pray on it, he is ready. When you have him praying reliably where the koran page plane lands, it is time to move to serious devotion.

Now we must combine the Second and Third training sessions together, to produce a dog that knows how to hold it until he has been given his Imams (YOU) command. Feed him the second dog food choice, and Pork, and walk him till he must pray. Time this movement. When you have achieved this, it is time for him to pray (shit) at the approach to the mosque. Using your skills learned training him, Feed him a double portion of pork, with the alternate canned dog food. Take him to the mosque, put down the koran page at the appointed area, and tell him  “Pray, Mohammed, Pray”, and if you have followed this guide religiously, he should Pray (Shite) all over the approach to the mosque. When he does this yell “Al Hamdoodoo lil ahhhhhh” and move quickly so that the next canine devotee may pray in turn, (or your shoes may get prayed on as well….)

Senior imam status is reached when you have trained both of your dogs to pray in unison, and can walk away with clean shoes…

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